The Hard Truth Men And Women Don't Want To Talk About

To say that the relationship landscape has changed is an understatement. One quick visit on social media and you’ll see the dumpster fire that dating and relationships has become for so many.

There’s a constant narrative that you’ll hear from men, women, couples, therapist, relationship coaches, and experts:

“The masculine and feminine polarity has shifted!”

Women are complaining that there are no longer any “Real Men” out there that can “handle” today’s empowered woman. “They’re just too nice, wimpy, weak, indecisive, and not alpha enough” for her to be attracted to him sexually. I’ve even heard, that “He’s just too good for me.”

Conversely, men are feeling frustrated and believe that women are too entitled, too masculine, too controlling, and lack the feminine essence that creates the peace and calm he’s desiring. It always seems to be a constant battle for power and control.

Both sides are not wrong.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth. Both men have been played by a system that wants to create division, separation and a war between the sexes. That’s right. For the past 30 years, both men and women have unwittingly been part of a devious plot to undermine the family dynamic and sexual attraction.

Women have been sold on the idea that they've got to crush it, be the goddess warrior, boss babe, keep your guard up, “You can do it all Girl!”, self preservation at all costs, and that men are the enemy, toxic, and to be seen as options rather than a priority.

So she shows up with all her armour on with her shield and sword at the ready. "Nobody's going to hurt me again."

Men have been conditioned through our sitcoms, movies, commercials, the news, and special interest groups that they are the buffoons, the dimwits, the comic relief, and all that is wrong with society. A man is to be seen as second or even third behind children, and in today's society if he's straight then he's even further down the rung with all that male privilege. A man's very essence, his masculinity, is toxic, wrong, and should be shut down or prepared to be labelled as a misogynist and a “typical man”. His value in the sexual market place or in the relationship has plummeted. His sense of utility in a relationship is all but gone.

So he shows up as confused as hell as to what the sweet spot will be to win her over. He's too nice, passive, and with flowers in hand, because that’s what the Hallmark movie of the week says is suppose to work.

“Happy wife, happy life.” Or “She wears the pants in this relationship.” Is the F’d up clarion call of a hapless weak man that has anything but happiness in his relationship.

And trust me, she can’t stand the role he’s put her in. She’s forced to be in her masculine, be decisive, and be a mom rather than a wife or girlfriend. Classic friend zone and sexless relationship territory.

Oh yes, it lines up nicely with the core wounds and trauma bonds, but that’s a whole other rabbit hole left for another time.

The reality is, couples are unconsciously in the wrong polarity. He’s too far in his feminine energy and she’s too far in her masculine. But sadly, most couples don’t have a language for it. They just know things are off, and they constantly fight about everything but the elephant in the room. They end up friend zoning each other, because there’s no sexual tension any more.

You can bottle the resentment here.

If you feel it or have experienced this, it’s not your fault and it’s not the fault of your beloved. It’s all to do with the conditioning of our society over decades of programming.

So how do you turn the tables?

First, unplug from the current narrative. What you think is attractive and behaviour conducive to seducing or creating sexual tension with your partner, most likely does not work. In fact, it's most likely repelling.

Seek advice outside of your typical channels. Your divorced and/or single friends with a chip on their shoulder might not be the best source for improving your relationship. In fact, they may have an agenda to undermine your happiness so you are as miserable as they are.

It’s essential to recognize in real-time what energy is your most dominant energy.
You’ve got to create a ritual for yourself and in your relationship to ensure you feel the masculine and feminine energies in the right ratio to serve the relationship dynamic at the right time.

Sadly, many couples can’t recover from the polarity switch. They've seen in their partner something they can’t unsee, so sexual attraction is almost impossible to foster.

However, it is possible, but it takes awareness and the will to want to do it.
Maybe, just maybe…the mainstream narrative, and pop culture messaging about how to be happy and empowered got it wrong.

You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be loved. A stable, nurturing, loving, sexually dynamic relationship is statistically the container where both men, and women thrive the most.

Maybe trusting yourself, opening your heart, trusting the relationship, and seeing the other side with new eyes is a better way to go.

You’ve got this!
Be Remarkable!

Coach Dwayne Klassen